The Reel Deal: Halloween remake so bad its horrifyi

"Halloween" was an exciting, suspenseful, psychological thriller that haunted audiences across the United States. The acting was terrific, the masked killer truly terrifying, the director was great, and the original musical score of the film will be etched into memory when the title of the movie pops up. "Halloween" is one of the greatest horror films of all time.

Unfortunately, John Carpenter’s "Halloween" (1978) had to be remade and released into theaters last week. There are certain movies that should never have remakes, such as

"Amelie," "Citizen Kane," "Gone With the Wind," "Jaws," "The Godfather" and "Faster, Pussycat. Kill! Kill!" I know Hollywood likes to take older movies and give them a modern makeover, but to what extent?

To be blunt, Rob Zombie’s "Halloween" is awful. It was so bad I wanted to leave after the first five minutes. It reminded me so much of his previous films, "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil’s Rejects," which I was also made to suffer through. I like Rob Zombie, I really do. When I was younger, I practically wore out all of his musical releases through White Zombie. I have always found him to be a fascinating person, but I cannot stand his movies. Well, there is one exception and that is "Werewolf Women of the S.S." That one, along with the original "Halloween," is a classic.

I really do not have a problem with movies that are filled with colorful language, violence, gore and clothing optional characters. However, as contradictory as it may seem, I get a bit rankled with excessive cursing in the first opening scene. It just annoys me to absolutely no end. Naturally, every other word in the first scene is one with four letters – so annoying.

It’s not clear as to whether I didn’t like this movie because it was a remake of the version I love and kept comparing it to that one, or if I truly thought it was just stupid. I’m going to go with the latter.

The studios wanted to make a prequel to the 1978 version about the history of Michael Myers and what made him become the cold-blooded, sister seeking killer that probably would have gone straight to DVD.  Instead, they opted for Zombie’s version where the first half of the film tells the tale of Michael’s (played by Daeg Faerch) descent into madness. Or something. All I really understood is that his family was whacked; he was picked on at school and he enjoyed wearing masks and long torture sessions on animals.    

What made the first film creepy was how silent and unemotional young Michael (Will Sandin) was. With 2007 Michael, you just wanted him to go mute and go off the screen.

The only redeeming quality about Zombie’s "Halloween" is Malcolm McDowell who plays Myers’s psychiatrist Dr. Sam Loomis. He adds more bite to the character than Donald Pleasence did, which is what the movie is all about. It is more bite, blood, nudity and gore than substance, style and flare that was the original.

I give this film a G for God awful.

Dedra Cordle is a staff writer for the Columbus Messenger newspapers.

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