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Column: I'm technologically lazy, not challenged
I am technologically lazy.
I’m not technologically challenged. I have a computer both at work and at home. I have a cell phone. I know how to work their keyboards and, though their inner workings are a mystery to me, I am functional with them.
No, the operative word here for me is lazy. I don’t have the energy, nor desire, to seek out the newest forms of ever changing technological wonder. I don’t feel like sorting out which of the hundreds of options are best for whatever upgrades are out there. Listening to techno pitches are tiresome. I don’t want to wait around the house for someone to come do a bunch of rewiring so I can be even more connected.
My technological sins are numerous and leave some people smacking their foreheads in disbelief of my Neanderthal ways.
Among my technological sins are:
•I have never used an ATM. I don’t like the idea of getting dollar bills out of a vending machine like so many potato chips. I don’t want to try and remember a PIN number. Besides, “I am not a number. I am a free man!”
•I do not have a cordless phone. People tell me the beauty of this device is that you can wander around the house and yard while you talk to someone. Great, all I need is a device that promotes multi-tasking. I hate multi-tasking because it belittles each task by lessening the attention paid to it. Plus, I’ve talked to people who have been on a cordless and often their voices just fade away to fuzz or silence when they walk into a “dead zone.” I never have such problems with my good old corded phone, which, by the way, worked wonderfully during the wretched windstorm in September.
•My computer is still on dial up. I know, I know, this is a particularly caveman approach when it comes to being online. I should do something about this, but then again, I’m technologically lazy.
•I do not have cable television. Granted network television is awful, but how much television does a person need? You would think that, since I’m technologically lazy, I’d like having even more television to watch, but I don’t want to wait for the cable guy to show up.
•I have never used a debit card. I never think about this. I just don’t care about debit cards. Cards, cards, cards. We have plastic cards for everything. Enough already.
•I rarely use my cell phone. But at least I have one!
•I have never texted on a cell phone. Too much work. Also, I don’t want to be one of these hunched over people walking down the street mesmerized by my tiny cell phone screen as my thumbs get an aerobic workout pushing buttons endlessly.
•I do not have an i-Pod, MP3 player, or similar thing. I’ve never downloaded music from online. I never liked earphones. I want music to surround me, not be funneled into me. I am a big music fan, but I can get tunes so many other ways so much easier.
•I do not have satellite radio. Seems like a good idea, but then there’s that whole effort thing of finding out about it.
•My television is so old that if I were to want to hook up it to any of the new video devices it would take a tangle of wires and a lot of hope to make it work.
•My car has manual windows and locks. I am so proud of this. I’m smug knowing that these will work even if the car electronically malfunctions in some way. I like the satisfying click of the manual lock and the retro thrill of rolling down the window.
Now, all this being said, I agree that these technological advances can be useful in many ways. However, thinking about embracing them just makes me tired.
Rick Palsgrove is editor of the Southeast Messenger and managing editor of the Columbus Messenger Newspapers.
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